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Shred Social

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Is Kechaud Johnson TOO GOOD at skateboarding? (Possibly Not Human?)

Let me set the scene for you: I'm sitting on the toilet as I normally do each morning at the office (not in) when I receive an Instagram shared through a DM. My friend Gavin sends me a video of Dallas' own Kechaud Johnson.  

 
 

If you've been following Kechaud's career as I have, you may be asking what I am: Is Kechaud Johnson TOO GOOD? After seeing this video, I went back through some of his old parts and realized something. Kechaud has always been this good - presumably since the day he stepped on a skateboard. Something seems sketchy though. Just look at his part from Nike's Chosen Minute from 2011.

 
 

Did you see it? If not, that's okay. I didn't notice until I looked back at this video. Luckily, I used modern technology to capture what can only be described as "not even trying".

 
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Take a look at his arms. Now this is the arm placement of someone at a co-worker's birthday party or a deacon at a church, but someone on a 15+ stair? Not possible. I reached out to a physiologist to study this image and video.

In my professional opinion, that’s not a human reaction to grinding down a handrail of any kind. Normally you would expect extreme flapping and circular movement through out a trick. This video is either edited or...well, I don’t even want to go there.
— Dr. Timothy Gnarbar

Here's where the story gets really strange. I continued my investigation by watching Kechaud in the D.R.E.A.M. video. I was reminded of a day I skated with him at American Airlines Center in Dallas. My memory is hazy from that day. When I looked closer at the clip though, it all came back.

Kechaud sometimes doesn't have a mouth.

 
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Let's take a closer look.

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Absolutely no mouth. Jesus. Now I remember.

This realization freaked me out as you may imagine, but something in me said to keep the investigation going. There's got to be more to the story. Why were my memories wiped from that day? At this point I realized we may not be dealing with a human at all. Could he be...alien?

I began to imagine what his true form might look like.

 
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Although probably an accurate, exact description of what lies beneath his skin suit, there was no way to be sure. Then the final piece of the puzzle hit. What was it you may be asking (if you've read this far)? A date: December 22nd 2017. On the 22nd, Kechaud posted these two posts to his Instagram:

 
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Why would he post a picture of a flower AND a "Back Lip"? I had to consult the language of the universe: Math.

 
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WTF. It was all in the math. Kechaud was speaking in alien code converted to human code. He was telling us to write out "flowerbacklips" and like an anagram, reorder some of the letters. When I did, I got "kiloparsec" which means 1000 parsecs (a distance of 3262 light-years). It was so obvious. He was telling us he was going to visit his home planet that day, which is exactly a kiloparsec away!

Don't believe me? Remember what happened on December 22nd of 2017?  

 "The contrail from a SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket is seen from Long Beach, Calif., more than 100 miles southeast from its launch site, the Vandenberg Air Force Base in California on Friday." - as reported by NPR.

"The contrail from a SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket is seen from Long Beach, Calif., more than 100 miles southeast from its launch site, the Vandenberg Air Force Base in California on Friday." - as reported by NPR.

The media will have you believe it was Space X, but I think the evidence paints a very different picture. If this shocks you, I understand.

So, there it is. This clearly explains why Kechaud Johnsons is so good and why some might consider him "TOO GOOD" at skateboarding. CASE CLOSED.

 

You can follow this alien on his Instagram at @kechaud

 

Oh yeah. One more piece of evidence that sealed the case shut for me. Using an ultra high powered zooming device that my friends over at NASA let me borrow for the day, I captured this from the image above:

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