What if you died and you didn't know it? I've been racking my brain over the idea that I might be dead for some time now. How would we know though? Born out of curiosity, I have created a list containing five signs that can clearly and concisely tell you whether or not you're dead. Let’s begin.
Sign #1: Sensored Bathroom Sinks Don't Know You're There.
Have you ever just taken a large defecation and made your way to a public, automatic sink, but when you get up to it you found yourself waving your hands around like an idiot with no water flow? Chances are you're probably dead. See, according to motion sensing technology, for a sink like that to work, it has to sense movement. If you're not corporeal enough to set it off, consider yourself, among the deceased.
Sign #2: You Enjoy Gloomy Tim Burton-like Weather and Dark Clothing.
It is known throughout the world that ghosts and dark entities alike enjoy overcast days. Do you feel more at home when the world is darker? Do you like when the sun hides itself? Is your wardrobe made of mostly dark colors? If you answered "yes" to any or all of these questions, you're more than likely, super dead.
Sign #3: You're Constantly Stuck Inside Watching Netflix or Something.
A popular trait of the dead is staying inside, because the dead are often anti-social. Do you find yourself making plans with friends and then backing out last minute to stay home to watch Netflix, HULU, or HBO? These streaming services often attract those who have passed. A recent PEW study showed that over 70% of Netflix subscribers are in fact, MEGA DEAD.
Sign #4: No One's Texting or Calling You.
One of the main signs that paranormal psychologists find when treating a ghostly patient to determine if they're dead or not, is their inability to communicate. Put simply: their inbox is always empty. Once someone passes on, friends tend to not message or call you as much. Don't take it personally, (even though it's totally for personal reasons and usually the fact that you're really dead to them) but instead enjoy your time being, bereft of life.
Sign #5: You Keep Eating, but You Never Feel Full.
You poor, fat soul. Do you always feel an urge to eat? Did you just eat Panda Express and an hour later you're hungry again? Do you find yourself binging on snacks or candy all day long? I feel bad that I have to be the one that breaks it to you, but if this rings true for you, you are almost positively and absolutely, completely dead.