Sperm, Poop, and Other Stuff. Is It Safe to Add to Your Diet?
The questions in this article are ones no one asked about, but everyone secretly wants to know the answers to. Let's face it, there are a lot of diets out there and a lot of them don't even know the science behind what they're selling. That doesn't mean all diets are bad though and anytime you're trying to eat healthier is a good thing.
Having said that, the different "foods" I've listed and questioned in this article are bodily treats I laid awake thinking about last week. I wasn't planning on adding them to my diet per say, but WHAT IF? I'll do my best to break down the science of what would happen to your body if you were to add such items to your diet and give you my opinion on each. Let's dive in.
Besides your breathe always smelling like chlorine and tasting peroxide-like, (that's the word on the streets, y'all), sperm as a main ingredient in your diet plan probably wouldn't be the best idea. It wouldn't be HORRIBLE I suppose, but it definitely wouldn't be great to solely eat it in place of normal protein. First off, what happens when you swallow sperm? According to Columbia.edu:
Okay, cool, so it's safe, but what if I wanted to exclusively eat those little tadpoles and goo? What would happen? Luckily, for this article and the useless knowledge area of your brain, scientists figured out that a serving of sperm is about 5 calories, and since we normally need around 1600-2400 to function properly (give or take depending on gender, size, etc.) this would be a pretty difficult diet to maintain.
I mean, they drank their own pee on Jackass so it's all good right? Everyone says it's sterile. It heals jelly fish stings or something right? At least that's what my priest told me in his private chambers.
I needed a real answer, so I traveled the magical internet waves. Turns out you should never drink your pee, and no, it's not sterile. Apparently, that's a myth created in the 1950's likely by an experiment conducted by Edward Kass, an epidemiologist at Harvard Medical. He began screening pre-op surgery patients for urinary tract infections and the samples that passed were marked "negative."
Wait, so, could it be introduced into a diet?
I'm sure by now you're regretting reading this article, but if you're thinking about giving up now, take this advice from Michael Scott and...
We all know poop is just a food's solid/smelly ghost, but what would happen if you ate it as a diet? We can already guess that it would smell bad and therefore probably taste worst. Is it healthy though? Not exactly, but it's surprisingly not too bad either.
Conclusion: Is it safe to eat? Maybe. Should you create a diet out of it? I'm not your mother. You do what you want! Rub it all over your body and house if you want!
There was always that one kid who ate boogers in school and that one guy or girl who kept eating them as an adult...but enough about me. Is it safe to eat your boogers and add it to your diet? My homie Scott Napper thinks so!
I feel like I was just joking when I started this booger section and now I'm considering it as a pre-workout snack. However, it turns out that Scott was just trying to get students interested in science and experimenting. He hasn't actually done any research on his particular hypothesis.
So, then...MAYBE it's good?
5. Toenail Clippings
Last, but certainly not least, we come to toenails - the delicious night time snack we've all come to enjoy. Wait, just me? Is it safe to consume toenail clippings? My gut feeling is, OH HELL YEAH. They're basically just toe Doritos, right?
You just have to worry about infections and getting sick. Nothing too crazy!
So, look, I don't know about you, but I think we've all come to the same conclusion after learning what will happen to our bodies if we eat these 5 items: