5 Foods You Shouldn't Eat On A First Date.
Whether you're going to dinner or you're just stopping off at the gas station to get snacks to sneak into a date at the movies, THINK before you BUY. You can be the most upstanding man or woman, but insert some messy, ass food into the equation and you may (probably will) have a disaster on your hands - literally. The following is a list of foods you may want to avoid on your next first date.
1. Powdered Donuts.
What were you thinking!? You only buy powdered donuts when you're staying home and watching re-runs of 3rd Rock From The Sun. The only way to partly save yourself now is to eat them as a whole, because no one has time to cut them up into smaller pieces.
"Why did I order this?" You've gone the route of messy and there is no return. Ribs are like ordering a buffalo sandwich with shredded meat, the plate can merely be set in front of you and you already look like a child with open access to a jar of peanut butter.
Noodles are the enemy. They taste great, but they foreshadow your kissing technique subconsciously to your date. While I can imagine, though not envy, a society where sucking and slurping loudly when consuming is appealing, this behavior just doesn't translate well in our current reality.
4. Meatball ANYTHING
I assume that if you've ordered meatball ANYTHING, whether that's in a sub, by themselves, or in any other form, that you've already thought through all of the risks and have given up on any and all etiquette. Meatballs are to cleanliness as money management is to spoiled kids - it can only go downhill from here.
5. Chicken Wings
Look, I understand why you did it, chicken wings are delicious, but there's a time and place for these things. At least get boneless wings so you can use a fork, you animal. This may also be a good way to get out of a bad date too though if you see things going south. Just get all wing sauce lubed up and begin playing with their hair or intertwine your fingers with theirs and let them know how good of a time you're having.