I Need 3D Doritos to Return NOW.

I just typed up about four paragraphs of my affection toward snacks to begin a "Top 5 Discontinued Snacks" article when I accidentally deleted it all. My detailed snack-lust is forever lost in the vortex of deleted text. I realized after the deletion however, that there is really only one discontinued snack that really means anything to me. 

Hello, old friend.

Hello, old friend.

About 5 years ago, I wrote the Frito-Lay company and asked them to bring 3D Doritos back or at the very least, requested that I get one last bag, stale or not. I gave them a detailed letter as to what they meant to me and how much they encouraged my childhood, unhealthy eating habits. I put a positive spin on it though.

I waited day and night for a return letter. I scarfed down the 3D's modern descendents as I sat patiently by the mailbox. Finally, 3 weeks later, I received a letter.    

Dear Eric,
The 3D Doritos product was discontinued in 2003 and will not return for the foreseeable future. Thank you for being a fan of Frito Lay.
— Frito-fucking-Lay

No coupon and barely a letter; this is what I received to a detailed letter of my agape love for a beautifully and oddly shaped chip that once filled my heart with magical happy goo. You better believe I was going to write back. 

Dear Snack Nazis,
As you can imagine, your response was less than satisfactory for a super fan of my caliber. Most snack companies would kill for a fan like me. I’M JUST SAYING. However, since you’ve decided to deny my request with a two sentence letter, I am forced to begin making my own 3D Dorito chips. A picture of my DIY design is included in this letter, so you know I mean business.
— A VERY unhappy fan boy
This photo is a recreation of the one sent, as that photo has disappeared into the cosmos...

This photo is a recreation of the one sent, as that photo has disappeared into the cosmos...

Sadly, I never heard back.

One day I know Frito Lay will do the right thing and either bring back this delicious snack or send me some sort of paste that tastes like the 3D Doritos flavor. If you feel as I do, write your congressman immediately. Let's show these corporate bastards that they can't just play with our emotions. I mean, look how good they were:

5 Things I Do Way More of Now That I'm Single.

My 20's have been spent in and out of relationships with not much time in between. My last relationship lasted four+ years and when it abruptly ended last year, I was devastated and not ready for the single life AT ALL. If you've been in a similar situation, you know what I'm talking about.

With Valentine's Day passing recently, I started to think of all the things I do now that I hardly ever or never did when in relationships. I'm probably going to steer clear of sexual-related things since you can probably guess one way or another what's involved when you're single and need to "clear house". (That sentence was probably actually worse than if the subject had just made it to the list, but let's move on.) Here are my top 5 things I do way more of now that I'm single.

1. I stay up late

Gaming/drinking nights never end early.

Gaming/drinking nights never end early.

For some reason, now that I'm singular, I always stay up way later than I should. In the time that I've been single, I think the earliest I've gone to bed is 10:30pm, though I average about 1am on weekdays and 4am on weekends. My sleeping habits will probably kill me. That is unless number two doesn't get me first.

2. I drink more alcohol

Pretty straight forward Snapchat.

Pretty straight forward Snapchat.

I'm not even particularly very fond of drinking alcohol. In fact, in a relationship, I generally get drunk/tipsy about 4-5 times a year. As a single person, that number has become 4-5 times every two weeks or so. Now, this may make me sound like an alcoholic and I very well may be, but most of these nights I'm not getting extremely drunk. Usually, I'm just getting tipsy and using it as catalyst to be social at bars and talk to strangers.

3. I'm more willing to be spontaneous

Drove to Austin randomly just to hang out, party, and protest.

Drove to Austin randomly just to hang out, party, and protest.

This is one of my favorite things about being single. I don't have anyone to be accountable to. I can leave at anytime, stay out as long as I'd like(as long as the cat is fed), and really do whatever I feel like doing. Making plans at the drop of a dime is fantastic and deciding I need 7-11 French vanilla coffee at 1am and actually getting it is a beautiful thing all in itself.

4. I meet tons of new people

Oh, Deep Ellum...

Oh, Deep Ellum...

Relationships tend to keep me in somewhat of a box. I don't see that as a completely horrible thing nor am I anti-relationships, but meeting new people on dates and in bars is pretty great. Most meetings are just for that day or night. Passing friendships summed up by a few hours or less, but their exciting. Some nights are depressing. Some nights are just mediocre. And some nights are so fantastically amazing that I'll remember them for the rest of my life. (I'm thinking of you, Hollywood.)

5. I get to know myself

How do you cross your eyes all the way and look into your own soul? 

How do you cross your eyes all the way and look into your own soul? 

It's a wonderful thing to share myself with a partner, but living by myself has been such an enriching experience that I wouldn't trade it for the world. (Well, maybe the world.) Going on walks or just sitting in weird areas of my apartment and staring off into space and meditating has opened areas of my mind I never knew existed. I can't tell you how many times I've put headphones in, listened to instrumental music, and just took a walk by myself to reflect on the day. Being by myself is normally a great feeling. I highly encourage everyone to do more of it.

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Those are my top 5, though in no way are they a complete catalog of the things that have changed while being a single adult, creeping ever so quickly toward that 30 year mark. I'm excited, scared, lost, happy, and a dictionary of other emotions, as I move forward in life. I have a lot more to discover in life and a plethora of goals, which may be easier to attain as a single adult. Here's to you, future - please, be easy on me.