I'm feeling nostalgic today and I want to use some profanity. Actually, I think my generation is always feeling nostalgic, because let's face it, the 90's were fucking awesome. I was browsing around Reddit's YouTube Haiku page earlier and came upon an old 90's cartoon that rekindled a million memories and thus, sparked the idea to write this article. The following videos are my all time favorite 90's commercials, some because they were funny, and some because they fill me with just the right amount of nostalgia that I may just go pull my POGS out of the closet.
1. THE MOTHA FUCKIN' ULTIMATOR
Who didn't want this as a kid? If you just raised your hand, you're wrong. This toy could change your life. Just watch this kid firing off this baby. Who's shoes are those? WHO CARES. THEY'RE SMOKE NOW. No mercy.
2. Put Your Balls In My Mouth.
No cartoon today could get away with what Mr. Bucket did in the 90's. Look how happy this little fucker is to have balls in his mouth. Mr. Bucket is who we should all strive to be. His face never changes. No balls in his mouth? HAPPY. Balls in his mouth? HAPPY. Some might even say he was feeling gay the whole time. Who are we to judge?
If I had a nickel for every time this song was stuck in my head, maybe I wouldn't have had to gather up pennies all over my house into a Sack N' Save sack to buy a Power Ranger ice cream on a stick from the ice cream man(another song that will never leave our brains). I can only assume that before filming these coked-out commercials, that the kids did white lines in Mr. Buckethead's dressing room.
4. Hulkmania WAS running wild, BROTHER.
AHH the sweet smell of the WWF. Although I only owned Sting and Hulk Hogan from this toy line, these commercials are what influenced me as a kid to run around and get hurt. "Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania destroys you?"
5. The guy who yelled at kids.
I can't help but think that this commercial as a kid guided me away from a future life in the military. This guy was angry at everything, even math. "1 2 3 GO FUCK YOURSELF."
6. Wayne White on Acid.
Notice: this video isn't even titled "Duracell Commercial". That's because the guys over at Duracell marketing were just like:
"What can sell a battery?"
"What if we reanimated dead bodies and cut the faces off of our friends and family and sew them onto the bodies? Then carve their backs out and make it all look animated."
"God damn it, Bob...You're a genius!"
How many times did we stick our germ-infested fingers into this gooey shit and laugh from the sounds? Let's face it, Nickelodeon owned us as children. Just look at this contraption. These kids are happy as shit(I'm sure the money to be in the commercial helped a little too).
8. Best Toys Ever
Happy Meals were a childhood staple. If your parents were health conscious, I feel bad for you. Not only was the fake ass food awesome, the toys were even better. These were arguably some of the best to come out in the 1990's.
9. So Messy
I never got to own this as a kid, but absolutely loved the commercials. Not to mention, it probably came on about 45 times per commercial break on any tv station that you were on. Anybody still have a set?
10. This song is like razorblade butterflies to my ears
I could never tell if I hated this song or loved it. This commercial makes me feel weird. The song, the product, the filming - everything about this is unsettling to me. Thus, it is one of my most memorable 90's commercials (though not exactly a favorite.)
11. Not the MAMA!
Man, this was a great show and man did baby Sinclair hate his dad. I always wanted this toy. Someone find me this toy.
12. The cards are ALIVE
To this day, this is one of the funnest games. I don't care what you say. FUCK YOU. Maria is hot. I'd like to see a "Where are they at now?" show for these characters...*Lightbulb*
13. DON'T YOU FUCKING DO IT!
Is this dad abusive? Why was everyone so scared of waking up daddy? What happen to the kids in this commercial after they woke him up? Did daddy have PTSD? So many questions...
Well, that concludes my list. I tried to only make a top 10, but I quickly went overboard. I think I might make a second part to this, focusing only on certain items (board games, toys, cereals, etc.) Thanks for reading and let me know what your favorite commercials were from the 90's!